My main business was my baby. In fact, it was my first business. Over time it grew and evolved and it wasn’t the same business now as it was when it started. Nor am I the same as I grew and evolved too.
I built the business up-on the side of my day job for four years before stepping into it full time in 2012. It enabled me to do so much and I am so grateful for everything it has given me. The learning, the growing, the failing and more learning, the successes, the experiences, the journey, the people that touched my life, the opportunities and the choices, particularity that allowed me to be a huge part of my daughter’s life from birth.
Natalie and I actually found out she was pregnant in the same month as I went full-time in my own business. This was such a blessing. I have thought on a couple of occasions ‘would I have left my day job to run my own business if Natalie was pregnant before I handed in my notice’? But I like to think that I would have still done it.
Now though it is time to say goodbye to my first business as I pursue being of service through doing what I love and what resonates more with who I am. I used to love my main business but as we grew, we grew apart.
I had actually said goodbye the year before as I then sold half of my business and it was really hard to take. It felt like breaking up with each of my clients. I built a relationship with all of these people and now all at once I was saying goodbye to them. I felt sad and guilty for a couple of months afterwards.
This time with the sale of the rest of the business I knew what to expect in a number of ways. The process, the workload, the emotions and the learnings from the first time. But I still didn’t expect to feel such a loss.
I have grieved and probably still am grieving the loss of my business. I put so much effort, energy, time, money and myself into the business, and so did my clients, that it seems such a shame for it to end. I feel sad, angry, guilty and fearful. Some of which I have moved through and others I am still going through.
Sad it has to end, that it is an end of an era for me, my team and my clients. Angry that I didn’t do this sooner. Guilty because I didn’t want to force change upon my clients and team. Fearful as I have a sense of uncertainty and unfamiliarity with my new businesses.
But I too am feeling happy, joyful, grateful and courageous.
Happy that I have a choice. Joyful that I am pursuing something that is enjoyable and important to me. Grateful for this opportunity. Courageous because it is new and hard for me to step away from the comfort I know so well.
In time I know I will feel the same way about those businesses as I do for my first business.
To help get an ever better sense of perspective on the change and to relax after the hard work I’m going on a family holiday. I honestly believe that when your mind is at rest and able to play that it will do its best thinking, can recharge and have some fun.
That’s exactly what I did after the part sale last year. It wasn’t until I took a holiday with my family that I was able to move passed the sense of loss. The holiday made me realise what was important in my life and I should focus on the things that I do have rather than the things that I no longer have.
The holiday made me realise that I want to focus on things I enjoy doing rather than going through the motions and doing what others expect.
In other words, I wanted to find and be my authentic self. Just be. Just writing this makes me feel happy, relaxed and, well, like me. 🙂
I’m looking forward to continuing to get more in touch with my authentic self on this holiday and having some fun and time to think.
The loss will pass and I will be able to look back with happy and fond memories of this time in my life and be grateful that it was part of my journey.